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One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuck

Chapter One: Instinct

Okay, so here's the story I wrote yesterday when bored at work and denied net access. I haven't written fic in ages, so this is slightly nerve-racking! Anyway, I hope you enjoy. :)
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, I own nothing.
Rating: R, for sexual situations. It's also a tad angsty.
Feedback: Pretty please with sugar on top. You can email me at keiraandrews@hotmail.com.

[ * ]

Ephram knocked softly on the darkroom door, not quite sure why he was there in the first place. School was over, but after he overheard Colin telling Amy that he was staying behind to develop some pictures, Ephram decided that he’d hang around, too.

He shuffled his feet nervously on the worn tile of the art-room floor as he waited. Ephram could hear nothing from beyond the door, and wondered if he hadn’t knocked loudly enough. He raised his fist to strike the door harder, but it hovered in mid-air uncertainly.

Maybe he should just forget it and go home.

But then again, what was the big deal? He didn’t exactly have a big line-up of exciting activities waiting for him there. Sitting alone in his room brooding was beginning to lose its appeal and he wanted to hang with someone his own age.

That was perfectly normal. Very, very normal.

Laynie was gone back to boarding school, and it was almost as if she’d never been back in Everwood at all. Colin and Amy seemed to be in fine Homecoming form, doing their best to have a storybook happy ending for the royal couple. Laynie had said Colin was crazy about Amy, and Ephram felt his heart tug at the memory of her words.

Because of how he felt about Amy, of course.

Ephram hadn’t spent much time with them lately, had kept his distance. He lowered his hand without knocking again and thought that maybe he should just stay away. But Colin was his friend, wasn’t he? He just wanted to see how things were going, just hang out for a while.

Ephram rolled his eyes at his own indecision and knocked sharply on the door. After a moment, the door opened and Colin stood in the antechamber to the dark room, blinking into the light.

“Hey, Ephram. What’s up?”

Ephram smiled nervously. “Nothing. I was just…you know, hanging out. I was just wondering how things were going.”

“Okay, I guess. Well, come on in.”

Ephram closed the door behind him and they were plunged into darkness. He could hear Colin searching for the knob on the other door, and heard him swear under his breath.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just my hand. I’m supposed to try and do normal things with it, now that the feeling has started to come back and I don’t have to wear the sling, but it’s just…hard. I mean, I can’t even open a fucking door right, you know?” Colin sounded frustrated.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m in no rush.” Ephram realized the words were true. In the tiny, dark antechamber, he stood very close to Colin, and he felt the sudden urge to stand closer, to feel the warmth of Colin’s body against his.

Ephram took a step backwards, smacking into the outer door. What the hell was he thinking? Jesus, he must really be pathetically lonely. What kind of crazy thought was that?

“What’s wrong, E, you scared of the dark?”

Ephram forced a laugh out. “No, I just…shut up, and don’t call me that.”

Colin laughed and the darkroom door finally opened, the small room aglow in warm, red light. On one side was a table with trays of developing fluid, the other side set up with clotheslines to hang the drying pictures on.

“So, have you always liked photography?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Colin went over to the last tray and, with rubberized tongs, awkwardly removed a finished print. It was a picture of the mountains behind the school. “Mr. Kinsey thinks it’s a good idea, since I can’t paint, or draw or whatever we’re supposed to be doing in art class. It’s good exercise for my hand to hold the camera and stuff.”

“Cool.” Ephram slung his knapsack off his shoulder and put it in the corner. He took his jacket off as well and threw it on top while looking around the room. All of the other pictures hanging up were outdoor scenes from around town and in the woods. “These are great pictures, Colin. You’ve got a good eye.”

“Sure, I guess.”

“No, I really mean it. I’m not just being nice.”

Colin turned from the table and looked at Ephram. He smiled slightly, looking sheepish. “Sorry. I know you’re not like that; you don’t lie to make me feel better. I really like that about you.”

Ephram was glad the room was already suffused in red light, because it concealed the blush that he could feel creeping up his face. “Um, thanks.”

Colin returned to his work and Ephram hopped up to sit on the counter, just off to the side of the hanging photographs. He leaned against the wall and watched Colin. “So, what are all the different solutions for?”

Colin explained the process carefully, and Ephram could sense that he was proud of himself for learning it. He was making progress in his recovery, but it was still an uphill battle. Ephram knew his father was concerned about Colin’s health, but things had seemed okay lately, at least from what he knew.

Colin finished talking, and they settled into silence again.

“So, no pictures of people?”

Colin paused and then answered, “ there are a couple in here. I find it easier to take pictures of things that don’t talk back. Things that don’t want to help.”

“Oh. Yeah, I get that.”

“Well, you would.” Colin turned again and grinned.

Once again, Ephram was thankful for the soft, red lights.

Colin continued, “I know everyone has good intentions, it’s just…they make me so tired. You know? I like getting away and taking pictures and then coming here, it’s peaceful.”

Ephram was suddenly embarrassed. Here he was, invading Colin’s sanctuary. He sat up straight from where he had been leaning on the wall. “Hey, I can go. You know, if you want to be alone, or whatever.”

“No!” Colin’s voice was raised and it reverberated in the small room. He took a breath and spoke normally. “I mean, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want. But I don’t mind having you here. I…I like having you around, Ephram. It’s cool.”

Ephram felt strangely relieved. “Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say.

Colin went back to work, and began talking in a rush. “I know Amy tries not to compare me to the way I used to be, but I know she does. Same with Bright and my parents. It’s just…it hurts to see the hurt in their eyes when I don’t remember things, or when I act differently to how I would have back then. They all just want things the way they used to be, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”

Ephram looked at Colin’s back, could see the hunch in his shoulders. “Well, things seem to be going good with you and Amy. Laynie said you really liked her.”

Colin put down the tongs. “I’m supposed to, right? That's the way it’s meant to be, she’s my girlfriend and all. And she’s nice and pretty, what more could I want?”

Ephram didn’t know how to answer. Finally, he asked, “but do you really like her? It's just...if it’s not there, it’s not there.”

“That would work out pretty well for you, huh?”

Ephram gulped. “What? No, that’s not why I said it. I don’t really like Amy like that anymore.” The words had rushed out of him and they hung in the air. Ephram had denied his feelings for Amy many times, but this time, it felt different. Did…did he actually mean it?

“You look surprised, or something.”

“Yeah. I…look, Colin…you know that I liked Amy, but honestly, I don’t feel that way now. She’s all yours. She always was.” Ephram knew the truth of his words and strangely enough…it felt okay. He should be sad, or something, shouldn’t he?

Colin smiled ruefully. “Yeah, she’s all mine. Too bad I don’t want her either.”

They stared at each other, Ephram’s mouth slightly open in shock.

“But, Laynie said…”

“I just let her and my parents think what they want to. And I tried, I really did. I mean, I should like Amy. But…I don’t feel that way about her. And I don’t know if I ever did.”

“Are you remembering more? I thought you guys were really happy and stuff.”

“It’s just…vague memories, more like feelings, or I don’t know…an instinct, maybe. I just don’t think I ever really liked Amy like that. It was more…comfortable, and easy, I think. God, I don’t know.” Colin turned away again and poured more solution into one of the trays. It sloshed over the sides and dripped onto the table.

Ephram sat silently, trying to think of what to say. Laynie had said Colin was going to break up with Amy before the accident. Should he tell him that? He regarded Colin, who was staring blankly at the wet drops on the table. Before he could speak, Colin did.

“It was easy then, but it’s hard now. I just don’t feel the way I’m expected to. But I don’t think I did then, either. I was supposed to be in love with her, but I wasn’t.”

Ephram made up his mind. “You’re right, Colin. I don’t think you were.”

Colin turned, his eyes questioning.

“Laynie told me you were going to break up with Amy, that you didn’t feel for her what she felt for you.” He paused while Colin took it in. “Listen, I know that some people expect you to be a certain way, and think certain things, but you have to trust yourself. Trust your instincts. That’s kinda why we have them, you know?” He smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring.

Colin met his eyes, and they shone with something Ephram couldn’t quite put his finger on. Gratitude, perhaps. All he knew was that there was something beautiful in Colin’s eyes, and in his gentle smile.

Wait, beautiful? Ephram shook his head slightly, trying to get his thoughts together. Sure, Colin was good-looking …but guys didn’t that way about other guys. If he was going to be honest with himself, he’d had similar thoughts about other boys over the years, but they were just…anomalies, nothing real. Nothing real. Not even worth thinking about, just stupid things thoughts that people have that don’t mean anything.

Colin was still looking at him.

Then, before Ephram could say anything else, Colin closed the space between them, coming to stand in front of Ephram, who was still perched on the counter.

“You’re right, Ephram. I should follow my instincts.” He was standing close now, his body coming into contact with Ephram’s knees and legs, dangling from the counter.

Ephram felt frozen, a deer in the headlights. He swallowed convulsively. Thoughts swirled through his mind, all moving too fast to get a handle on. He stared at Colin’s face as his mind finally slowed down enough to register that Colin’s hands were now resting on his knees.

The counter wasn’t very high, so they were still almost eye-to-eye. In the red light, everything was soft and he thought again that Colin looked beautiful. His skin felt warm through his jeans where Colin’s hands rested lightly.

Still, Ephram couldn’t speak.

But then he didn’t have to, as Colin leaned closer and pressed his lips to his.

Ephram’s breath caught in his chest as Colin’s lips exerted a gentle pressure against his. Both of them seemed frozen in place, the soft kiss binding them together.

After what seemed like a very long time, Colin moved slightly back and broke the kiss gently. He looked apprehensive, his eyes searching Ephram’s for a reaction.

For acceptance.

Ephram didn’t even know his hand had moved until he saw it brush Colin’s cheek. He moved it slowly behind his head and drew Colin to him, their lips meeting again, moving more this time, their mouths coming together with more force.

Colin’s fingers splayed out on Ephram’s knees and Ephram’s legs spread further apart, Colin moving close between them.

Their mouths were open now, tongues dancing together as they pressed closer to each other. Ephram’s fingers tangled in Colin’s hair as his tongue explored his mouth and Colin moaned in pleasure.

He finally had to break away, both of them gasping for breath, Colin’s hands now gripping Ephram’s thighs (the right one somewhat awkwardly), pulling him closer to the edge of the counter. Colin kissed him again, his left hand now roaming over Ephram’s back and down to his ass.

Ephram’s mind reeled as Colin sucked his tongue into his mouth and the kiss went on and on. He was hard and he reached one hand down to see if Colin was, too. He was, and Ephram stroked him through his jeans.

He wondered briefly what the hell he was doing, but the thought was fleeting.

Colin’s lips left his and he wavered slightly, moaning. Ephram slid off the counter and steadied him, his arms going around him. Colin’s lips found Ephram’s neck, and they pressed together tightly, the friction of their bodies making them both moan.

Their hips moved together and they both panted, their breath coming in short gasps. Finally Colin stiffened and he cried out in pleasure. Ephram stopped moving and looked at Colin’s face as he came. Colin slumped into him, breathless.

After a few moments, Colin straightened up and kissed him again. His hands fumbled for the zipper of Ephram’s jeans, and Ephram helped him. Colin slipped his left hand in and stroked him roughly, and before long Ephram was coming as well, and his only thought was that it had never been like this before with his own hand.

They stood silently, catching their breath and leaning into each other.

After a while, Colin moved his arms around Ephram and hugged him tightly, and Ephram hugged him back. Then Colin moved away abruptly and they both went about cleaning up, suddenly awkward with each other.

The spell was broken.

They hadn’t spoken a word during the whole…encounter? Event? What the hell do you call it when you get off with another guy in a darkroom, Ephram wondered.

“Um, so…” Ephram’s voice sounded strange to his own ears. “Well, I guess I should get home.” He put his coat on.

“Yeah, I’ve got to go meet Amy at the diner in a bit.” Colin’s back was again turned.

Amy. Suddenly Ephram felt the outside world encroaching upon them. Amy, Bright, his dad…oh god, what his dad say if he knew about this? What would anyone say? He knew Colin felt it, too.

Colin spoke again. “Look, nothing has to change, this will just be our secret, right? We’re just…good friends. Right?”

Ephram nodded. “Yeah, right. Friends. It’s just one of those things…it doesn’t, like, mean anything. It’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Colin’s voice rang with false cheer. “Yeah, see ya.”

Ephram closed the darkroom door behind him and stood in the pitch-black antechamber. He wanted to open the outer door and run out past the easels, through the school and into the cold, late-afternoon air without ever looking back.

But deep down Ephram knew that it was another door that had been opened, and he didn’t know if it could ever be closed.

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