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One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuckChapter Twelve: Epiphany
Thanks to everyone who gave me such awesome feedback on the previous chapters and a special shout-out to oleander9999 who just discovered the online Everwood fandom and has been most enthusiastic about my fic. Thanks!
I still don't own the characters, etc. Well, without further ado...[ * ]
“Hey, Brown!”
Ephram kept walking, eyes focused ahead. The school week was over and for that, he was profoundly grateful. He had been attending classes in a daze, willing himself to just make it until the end of the year, which was now only a week away. It had been almost a month since the night at the restaurant and the blissful two days in Denver and the summer was now tantalizingly close.
At the thought of Denver, Ephram blushed. He always did when images of Mark flitted through his mind, which was often.
“Are you deaf, faggot?”
Ephram still didn’t turn, but walked on. It sounded like Steve Barker, one of the generic jock assholes that seemed to have been cloned by the dozens in Everwood. For a moment, Ephram imagined himself fighting them all, kicking and punching with lethal precision as they tumbled away from him in broken heaps.
Then he’d fly away, the mountains distant below him.
He laughed to himself. He’d been seeing way too many movies lately; it was the only time when he could forget about his own life. Steve continued yelling taunts down the hall, but Ephram tuned him out.
He’d become used to the constant abuse, the fresh grafitti on his locker almost every day. He had steeled himself to the glimpses of Colin in the hallways and had convinced his father to write him a note to be excused from gym for the rest of the semester. He could handle history class, but gym was too…interactive.
Too much chance for contact.
Colin seemed to have realized that it was over, that his inability to defend Ephram at the restaurant had been the end of their relationship. He had never approached Ephram again. He didn’t even steal glances during history. Colin seemed to have completely immersed himself into Amy and his asshole friends.
Ephram tried not to be hurt by this, telling himself that this was what he wanted. But every time he opened his defaced locker, his eyes automatically scanned the interior for a note that might have been slipped inside.
He told himself that he didn’t miss Colin.
Ephram had retreated into a cocoon. He rarely went into town, and his father took him to Glendale to see movies. As worried as his father was about him, Ephram knew he secretly enjoyed spending so much time together.
After the incident at Gino Chang’s, Ephram was reluctant to go anywhere, even Mama Joy’s. Nina was still friendly and made small talk when he saw her in passing, usually picking up or dropping off Delia. But there was a tightness to her smile that hadn’t been there before.
As Ephram walked up his driveway, he could hear Delia and Sam laughing and squealing in Nina’s backyard. Andy and Nina were by Nina’s garden, talking. They didn’t see him, so Ephram ducked into the house.
He dropped his knapsack on the kitchen table and grabbed some juice from the fridge, gulping it from the carton as he poked around for a snack. He gave up on the leftovers and moved to the cupboard, taking a couple of Oreos.
As he munched the cookies, he noticed a stack of books sitting on the table, beside an Amazon.com box. Ephram looked in the box to check for DVDs, but it was empty. He sighed and was about to go upstairs when he noticed the title of the book that sat on top of the pile. “Coming Out and You – A Teenager’s Guide to Homosexuality.”
Ephram groaned aloud and rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Dad, you never quit.” He went through the pile quickly, shaking his head at the psychobabble titles. But one book caught his eye. It was a collection of short stories about coming out, and it looked slightly less lame than the others.
Upstairs in his room, he started reading. To his surprise, Ephram found himself devouring each tale quickly. He felt comforted to know that what he felt wasn’t crazy and that he wasn’t the only one to be going through a hard time.
He laughed out loud; he sounded like he should be on Oprah, he was so trite.
The next story in the book told of a boy and his crush on his childhood friend. As the tale progressed, the two became involved and…it was…well, it was almost…pornographic, Ephram thought. He was pretty sure his father was unaware of how explicit the content in this particular story was.
It was the first time he’d ever read about two guys together, and it was…very, very hot. He got up and nervously glanced out the window to ensure that Delia and his father were still next door. Back on the bed, Ephram pulled his cock out and rubbed himself as his eyes flew over the words. The boy in the story was on his hands and knees, his friend moving behind him.
Ephram remembered the feeling of Mark’s fingers and he imagined what it would have been like to be fucked by him, to have that hard cock inside him. He panted and jacked himself and then he was coming hard with a low moan.
He slumped back on the bed and caught his breath. Ephram smirked and acknowledged that maybe his father’s taste in books wasn’t so bad, after all.
------------------------------------------
The phone on his desk was shrill, piercing Ephram’s dreams. He opened his eyes with a start and looked at his clock. It was after one o’clock in the morning, and Ephram blearily wondered who would be calling. At dinner, his father had said his grandparents might call, but it would be far too late in New York now.
Andy’s voice drifted over, muffled by Ephram’s bedroom door. He got out of bed and went down the hallway, stopping to hover outside Andy’s bedroom.
“Uh huh. I see. Did he hit his head again?”
Ephram’s breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat.
“What was he doing there?…Uh huh…what kind of dog was it?”
Oh, god. Ephram immediately knew what had happened and he slumped against the wall, his eyes closed. His breath came in shallow gasps.
“Well, Edna, I don’t know what to tell you. I can come and examine him, but I’m not sure what good it will do. And I’m pretty sure Colin’s parents won’t want me there…oh. Okay, then. I’ll see you soon.”
Ephram opened his eyes as Andy stepped out into the hall.
Andy started with surprise when he saw Ephram. “Ephram, something’s happened to Colin. I’m afraid there’s been…an accident. I have to go to the hospital. You stay here with your sister, okay?”
“It wasn’t an accident. Tell me what happened.” Ephram looked at his father with glistening eyes.
“He was bitten by a dog in a house on the east side of town. No one knows what he was doing there, the people who live in the house have never met him before. He seems to have just wandered in.” Andy shook his head and sighed. “That’s why Edna called, his parents think that maybe he was in some kind of altered state, something to do with his injuries. They want me to examine him.”
“But he’s okay?”
“Yes, he was very lucky. He has some bites on his hands and arms, but the owners were asleep upstairs and they called the dog off when they recognized Colin.”
Ephram took in a shuddering breath and leaned back against the wall. “He didn’t wander in, Dad.”
“What?” Andy looked at him intently, but Ephram kept his eyes averted. “How do you know that?”
“Because he told me that he’s been going into people’s houses to steal booze. I guess he thought they weren’t home. No one locks their doors, it’s easy.” Too late, Ephram realized his slip. “That’s what he says, anyway.”
Andy’s eyes narrowed. “Is that how you got the alcohol that night you worried me half to death? Is it?” Andy’s voiced raised in indignation.
“Shhh, you’ll wake Delia.” His father gave a look that told him not to press his luck. Ephram said, “I only did it once, I swear! Believe me, I feel bad enough already, okay? Dad, please…you know I’ve been staying home all the time, I promise, I’ll never do it again.”
Andy shook his head. “Okay, Ephram, we’ll deal with this later. Colin’s parents have asked for me, so they must be extremely worried, considering…what’s happened. I’m going to go to the hospital now.”
Andy went to get dressed and Ephram returned to his bed. He left the door open, so he could hear when his father returned. Andy poked his head in before he left.
“I’ll see you in the morning, okay, kiddo?” Ephram nodded. Andy turned, but then looked back at Ephram. “And don’t worry, Colin’s going to be fine.”
Ephram stared at the ceiling and listened to the sound of his father’s car fade in the distance. He checked on Delia and then went downstairs and sat at the piano. He pulled out the Liszt piece he had bought in Denver, squinting at it in the moonlight.
His fingers moved ghost-like over the keys as he waited for dawn.
---------------------------------
The hospital corridors were quiet and Ephram moved quickly, head low. He wore a baseball cap, hoping to avoid being recognized by anyone. He looked out for Colin’s parents.
Ephram had been waiting for him by the door when Andy returned home in the morning. His father had tried to reassure him that Colin was fine and was going to recover completely, but Ephram needed to see him for himself. He’d waited until Andy was asleep again before creeping out of the house.
As he rode the streets on his bike in the early morning light, Ephram hummed the Liszt and pedaled determinedly.
The hospital was quiet at this time of the morning, patients were just waking up and visiting hours hadn’t yet begun. He hadn’t figured out how he was going to find Colin’s room. He just hoped the Harts weren’t there when he did.
Ephram turned a corner and ground to a halt. Bright stood by a bank of vending machines. As a can of Coke tumbled into the bottom of the machine, Bright glanced towards him and did a double take.
“Ephram?” Bright looked around nervously. “What are you doing here?” he whispered.
“I just wanted to see if he was okay.” Ephram took a few steps and stood beside Bright.
“Didn’t your old man tell you when he got home?”
“Um, yeah. But…I just…I just wanted to make sure.” Ephram flushed.
Bright exhaled loudly and shook his head. “He hasn’t been the same since that thing at Gino Chang’s. Before that…you guys were like…seeing each other, weren’t you?” Ephram nodded and Bright went on. “He tries to hide it with Amy and his parents but I could tell.” Bright took a deep breath and the words tumbled out in a rush. “He really misses you, man.”
Ephram just stared, unable to think of a response.
Bright was on a roll. “Look, Colin’s my best friend and I don’t care if he is…you know…like that. I just want him to be happy. I want to not have to worry about him all the time. Because he’s totally fucked up.”
Ephram said, “believe me, I know.” Bright regarded him closely and Ephram shuffled his feet and looked around apprehensively.
“You really…love him, don’t you?”
Ephram looked at Bright with surprise, his eyes wide. He swallowed and licked his lips, trying to formulate an answer.
Bright smiled ruefully. “You must, after what he’s done to you. Look, I don’t care if you guys are homos, alright? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and it’s really shitty how everyone’s been treating you. As much as I tried to deny it, Colin’s no different and I hate the thought of everyone acting like that to him. It sucks.”
Ephram didn’t know what to think. “Um, yeah, it really does suck.”
“Like who cares, right? People shouldn’t have to, like, not be themselves. It just screws them up.” Bright looked around and took another deep breath, as if he’d made a decision. “Come on, I’ll distract everyone and you can sneak into his room.”
Ephram was pleasantly shocked. “Really? You’d do that?”
Bright shoved Ephram’s shoulder lightly and grinned crookedly. “Let’s go, before I change my mind.” He led the way down the hall and Ephram trailed after him. At the next hall, to their left they saw the Harts with Amy and the rest of the Abbotts, including Edna and Irv. It looked as if they were speaking with a doctor.
“Okay, I’ll try and keep them busy. It’s that room right there.” Bright pointed to a door on the corridor that ran off to their right. Ephram walked quickly to it and darted inside, shutting the door behind him.
Colin lay dozing on the bed, his hands wrapped in bandages. His left forearm also wore a large dressing. Ephram took off his cap and walked to the side of the bed. He reached down and, before he could stop himself, gently touched the fingers of Colin’s left hand where they poked out from the gauze.
Colin’s eyes opened and Ephram jerked his hand away. He sat in the visitor’s chair. “So…how are you?”
Colin didn’t answer the question, just looked at Ephram. Finally, he asked, “why are you here?”
“Why do you think? Because you almost got yourself killed in your quest to drink yourself senseless.” Ephram winced as he realized that he sounded like his father.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re the one who got chased down by Cujo.”
Colin looked at him intensely. “No, I mean I’m sorry about what happened. About everything. I know you have no reason to believe me, and I don’t expect you to. But I’m sorry.”
Ephram sighed and crossed his arms. “So what? I’ve heard it before. Now I’m just supposed to forgive you?”
“No.”
“So then, what? Why am I supposed to care that you’re sorry?”
“You’re not.” Colin looked down at his hands. “Last night, when that dog was on top of me, snarling and biting…I thought I was going to die. And the only thing I could think of was that you weren’t going to know how much I loved you.”
Ephram shook his head. “No, I don’t believe you. If you loved me, you wouldn’t be ashamed of me.”
“I’m not ashamed of you, Ephram. I’m ashamed of myself. I thought that I was letting him down, letting everyone down. But when I felt those teeth tearing into my flesh it was like…what do you call it? Like, a realization?”
Ephram rolled his eyes slightly. “An epiphany.”
“Yeah, that. I’ve never felt pain like that before, but it was like…it was me that dog was biting. You know? Not him. He’s gone and it’s only me now. This is me. And I’m not going to hide anymore.”
Ephram shook his head slightly and said nothing.
“They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die, right?” When Ephram didn’t respond, Colin kept talking. “Well, it was you. You’re it, Ephram. And I know you’ll never forgive me and that’s okay.”
Ephram battled his emotions and stopped himself from reaching out. He took a few breaths and when he spoke, his voice was hard. “You’re right, it’s too late. I met another guy. He’s totally hot.”
Pain moved over Colin’s face like a wave and he looked at the ceiling. “That’s…good. For you. Good.”
“Yeah, he’s not a big closet case. And he certainly knows how to fuck, let me tell you.”
Colin’s eyes shot to his. “You…you let him….?” Colin’s voice cracked and he looked up again. He swallowed thickly. “I want you to be happy, Ephram. You deserve someone better than me.”
“Oh, would you stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself?” Ephram leapt out of his chair and starting pacing. “If you love me, then do something about it!”
“But you said it was too late.” Ephram could hear the confusion in Colin’s voice.
“Well, maybe it’s not! I…I don’t know. I do deserve someone better, so be that fucking person!”
Suddenly the door opened and a nurse bustled in. “What’s going on in here, what’s all the shouting about?” She looked from Ephram to Colin with concern. “Who are you? Do Colin’s parents know you’re in here? Come with me.”
The nurse ushered Ephram out. In the hallway, he tried to evade her, but she caught his arm in a surprisingly firm grip. “Hold on there, young man.” She pulled him towards the waiting room. “Excuse me, Dr. O’Brien, but is Colin allowed to have visitors other than his parents?”
All eyes turned to Ephram.
“You. What the HELL are you doing here?” Mr. Hart rose to his feet angrily. He looked at the nurse. “Was he in Colin’s room?” He looked back at Ephram. “I swear to god, if you did anything to my son…”
“I just talked to him.” Ephram’s voice sounded very small.
Edna and Irv approached Ephram. “Now, I’m sure everything’s fine, we’ll just take Ephram on home now,” Irv said as he tried to steer him away.
“How many times do we have to tell you to stay away from our son?” Mrs. Hart’s voice was sharp. “You’re the one doing all the damage, confusing him and causing him to act…like this.”
“I didn’t do anything. It’s you. All of you.” Ephram spoke quietly, but his words silenced the room.
“Excuse me?” Mr. Hart’s voice was thick with fury. The room was silent and the air crackled with tension.
“He’s right,” Bright said. All eyes turned to him.
“Bright, I don’t think you know what you’re saying…” Dr. Abbott put a hand on Bright’s shoulder and Bright shrugged it off.
“Yes, I do. Colin’s my best friend and he’s miserable. I’m not just going to stand around doing nothing anymore. Look at what’s happened! He’s falling apart and it’s not Ephram’s fault, okay?” He turned to Colin’s parents. “Don’t you see? Colin’s not who you think he is.” Bright briefly waved his hands around in frustration, before they fell to his sides. “He never was.”
“Bright, stop it.” Amy’s voice was tight, verging on hysteria.
“I’m sorry, Amy. But Ephram never did anything that Colin didn’t want, he’s not some psycho pervert.” He took a deep breath. “I knew Colin was gay before the accident.”
There were a few seconds of silence before the waiting room exploded into a kaleidoscope of sound and fury.(c) everfic. cue edna's voice: i don't own squat, private.
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