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One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuckChapter Fourteen: Right
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Ephram sat frozen, his eyes wide with shock. His father’s firm hand was now resting on his forearm, as if Andy thought he might take off running. Instead, Ephram hunched down in his seat and tried to ignore all the eyes that had swiveled towards him.
In the wake of Colin’s statement, breathless silence filled the room. Everyone who hadn’t turned to look at Ephram was riveted to Colin, waiting for him to continue. On stage, he cleared his throat.
“See, the thing is…” Colin’s voice was unsteady and he stopped to take a deep breath. “The thing is, that I’m a coward.”
Ephram noticed some movement from the corner of his eye, and saw Mr. Hart motioning for Colin to come down from the stage. Ephram looked for Amy in the crowd, but he could only see the back of her head. Her father’s hand lay on her shoulder.
Colin ignored his father and continued, his voice gaining strength. “This is really hard to talk about, but I owe you all the truth. I owe it to myself. When I came back, it wasn’t easy. I had to learn how everything works and how to do things again. And I had to learn who I was. But, who I am…I don’t think it’s the person you remember.”
A murmur went through the crowd. Ephram’s heart pounded. The principal approached Colin, whispering and trying to usher him off-stage. Colin shook him off. Mr. Hart mounted the steps, but Colin put out his free hand.
“No, Dad. Please just sit down, I have to do this.” Mr. Hart tried to protest, looking to his wife for support, but she remained in her seat. Mr. Hart returned to his chair and slumped into it. Colin licked his lips and went on. “I’m ashamed to say that I had the strength to practically come back from the dead, to come out of rehab, to come back to school, but I didn’t have the strength to be honest. Ephram Brown did.”
Andy’s arm moved around Ephram’s shoulders, and Ephram was thankful for the support. But part of him wanted to leap up and run, as far and as fast as he could.
“I know most of you have probably heard about how something happened with me and Ephram. How he did something bad to me. Well, that isn’t true. Ephram never did anything but –” Colin looked down, blinking. He raised his head, his eyes shimmering. “But be a friend. More than a friend.”
A buzz moved through the auditorium, like the sound of a wave hitting the shore and then retreating.
“But when people found out, I didn’t have the courage to admit it. I let everyone think that he was a horrible person, and it’s not true. He’s like, this amazing person, and I hope everyone in this town will realize that. He would never, ever hurt anyone.”
Ephram took a ragged breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. He could feel the heat of stares on his face.
“And I hope everyone is this town, who have loved me, who have been so wonderful and supportive of me…I hope you still love me now that you know I’m gay.” Ephram could hear audible gasps in the audience and there was a flurry of sound.
Colin struggled to control the emotion in his voice. “Because I still love all of you, and I’ll always be grateful to you for what you’ve done for me. I’ve been so afraid of disappointing you, of not being who you want me to be.
“But I can’t hide anymore. This is it. This is me. I just hope that I can start earning this award. Ephram already did, for not being afraid of who he is, for looking you all in the face and not hiding, like I did.”
Ephram felt like laughing. Maybe crying. If only Colin knew how much he felt like hiding now.
“So…thank you for this. Thank you to my parents and to Amy Abbott and to Ephram Brown. I’m sorry…and I’m…well…I’m Colin Hart. Thanks for listening.” He turned and walked backstage, past the principal, who watched in stunned silence.
The room erupted and Ephram bolted from his seat, his father’s fingers grasping for him. He didn’t know where he was going, as long as it was away. He ran down the hall and rounded the corner before skidding to a stop. Colin stood a few feet away, the side stage door slipping shut behind him. He still held the award.
Ephram felt a sudden surge of anger. “So, are you happy now, making a spectacle of me in there?”
Colin blinked, but kept his gaze steady. “No, Ephram, I’m not…happy. But I did what I thought was right. What I had to do.”
“Well, you think I like having everyone stare at me, have you talk about me in front of the whole town?” Ephram knew he was being irrational, unfair, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Everyone probably thinks I put you up to it! They’re just going to blame me for this, too!”
Colin shook his head. “No, I won’t let them. Look, I know I hurt you, Ephram. But I had to try to make it right. I didn’t know how else to do it.” Colin shrugged, defeated. “I don’t know what you want from me and maybe I screwed up so bad that things will never be right again with us.” He looked down, his voice thickening. “But I hope one day we can be friends again.”
Ephram barked out a laugh. All the resentment that had built up was hurtling towards the surface. “Friends? All you ever did was screw me over. What, I’m just supposed to forget it because you made some stupid speech? Because you finally had the balls to come out to everyone? No. It’s too late.” Ephram headed towards the door.
“Ephram, wait! I want you to have this. It’s yours.”
Ephram turned. Colin stood holding the trophy out. “You want me to have it, Colin? Fine, give it to me!” Ephram stomped up and snatched the award from him. He threw it against the wall, where it crashed into the lockers.
With that, he stormed out of the school into the cool night, his face burning and adrenaline surging through his veins.
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The next morning, Ephram dragged himself into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge. He hadn’t slept well, to say the least. Suddenly his father appeared from the living room.
Ephram sighed heavily. “What?”
“I didn’t say anything.” Andy leaned against the counter, his arms folded.
“But you’re going to, so just go ahead and get it over with.” Ephram chugged some juice from the container. Andy took a glass from the cupboard and put it on the counter beside Ephram.
“I don’t want anymore.” Ephram stubbornly put the juice in the fridge, closed the door, and slid the empty glass back towards his father.
Andy looked at him sympathetically. “Ephram, I know last night was hard for you –”
“Whatever. Look, it’s over, I just want to forget about it.”
“But why? Ephram, Colin did a very brave thing last night; he tried to make things right.”
“Oh, so I’m just supposed to forgive him for everything? Because he embarrassed me in front of everyone?” Ephram was incredulous.
“Ephram, everyone thought you were some kind of sexual predator who took advantage of a vulnerable boy. Would you rather didn’t set the story straight?”
“I guess not,” Ephram muttered.
“Ephram, no one’s perfect, including you, mister. People make mistakes, I certainly have. I screwed up with you when you were a kid, and it took your mother dying for me to figure that out. But I’m trying to make it right. Colin’s trying too.”
“It’s different with you. This is…” Ephram grappled for the right words. “I admitted that I was gay, Colin should have too. It’s not like it was easy for me, but I did it. He let all that other awful stuff happen first before he was honest.”
“Ephram, not everyone can come out on the same schedule.” Andy put his hand up at the sight of Ephram’s indignant face. “Wait, let me finish. Everyone’s different, and there are a lot of factors that can affect the coming-out process –” Ephram rolled his eyes. “And his parents are certainly not what I would call open-minded.”
“So, you think it was easy for me because you’re not a homophobe?” Ephram crossed his arms.
“No. It was by no means easy for you to tell me you’re gay, I know that. And I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. How strong and brave I think you are.”
Ephram looked away. He was acting so childish and petulant. His father’s praise brought a flush to his cheeks.
Andy went on. “But Colin has had an awful lot to deal with. I don’t think any of us can ever really understand what it was like for him to wake up in that hospital bed and try to rebuild his life. A life he doesn’t remember. That kid has been through something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I’m not excusing his actions, but I think he deserves a second chance.”
Ephram didn’t say anything for a few moments. Finally he spoke, his voice quiet. “I’m scared, Dad. I’m scared that if I trust him again, he’ll make me regret it.”
“So it’s easier to push him away and hate him, rather than risk your feelings again.”
“Yeah. I guess so. If I’m mad, I don’t have to think about all the other stuff.”
“Well, you’re right, there’s far less risk if you just cut ties with Colin now. And I’m sure that he’ll eventually accept it, and move on. He’ll find someone else in time. So will you.”
Ephram didn’t know what to say. The thought of Colin with someone else made his stomach churn. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes in exhaustion.
“But Ephram, if there’s one thing that’s hard to live with, it’s regret. Believe me, kiddo, I know.” Ephram looked at his father and in that moment he thought he’d never seen him look so old, or tired. Andy continued, “I think you owe it to yourself, and to Colin, to at least try and talk it out. Be friends. Don’t hold onto anger, it’s not worth it.”
Ephram nodded and went back upstairs, unwilling to discuss it any longer. He curled up on his bed and tried in vain to go back to sleep.
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The tiny room was pitch black, and Ephram felt as if he were in a dream. The halls of the school had been empty; lockers standing open, their contents vanished for the summer. Beyond the door, he could hear someone moving around.
He took a shuddering breath and twisted the door handle.
Colin stood, bathed in red light, tongs in his hand as he prepared to pluck a print from the developing tray. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, but said nothing.
Ephram cleared his throat. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Colin looked down and grasped the picture, lifting it and dropping it into the next tray of fluid.
Ephram closed the door behind him. “I had a feeling you might be here, Bright said you weren’t at home. So, they’re still letting you in here in the summer?”
“Yeah, I have the key.” He smiled ruefully. “But I think they might ask for it back after last night. I figured I should get some stuff done while I still can.”
Ephram just nodded and watched him work. Colin didn’t seem to be overtly angry, but a coldness surrounded him, in contrast to the warm glow of the darkroom.
“Look, Colin…I’m sorry about last night. I acted like a total jerk.”
Colin put down the tongs and turned away from the developing trays. “It doesn’t matter, I deserved it. I can accept it, okay? We can’t go back.”
“No, we can’t. But –”
“So, I’ll see you around, Ephram. I hope things work out for you and that other guy.” Colin’s manner was businesslike.
“What? Colin, that was nothing, there’s no other guy. Look, we can’t go back, but we can go forward.”
Colin looked at him, brow creased. “We can?”
“If you want to.”
Colin said nothing, but Ephram could see his armour starting to slip. He seemed to be waiting for Ephram to say something else.
Ephram moved towards him. “I didn’t know what to think, it was all just too much. I freaked out.” He reached out tentatively and took Colin’s hand. “That was really brave what you did last night. You do deserve that award. You’re just like the tortoise in that race, you know?”
“Um, no, not really,” Colin said with a quizzical smile.
“Oh, it’s this like, fable or allegory or whatever. A tortoise and a hare race each other and the slow tortoise ends up winning. I just meant…you took your time, but you got there in the end.” Ephram smiled as he finished his rambling explanation.
“Oh. Um, cool.” Colin held Ephram’s hand tightly and looked at him intently. “So, you forgive me? I know I screwed everything up and I’m sorry. But I promise things will be different now.”
Ephram looked into Colin’s eyes, so open and hopeful. He realized that he really did believe Colin this time. He smiled. “Yeah, I forgive you. That’s all over now. Clean slate.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Ephram’s reassuring smile melted into a frown. “Except there’s one condition.”
“What? Anything.”
“You have to stop drinking and you have to talk to someone about it. I’m not going to enable you or be co-dependent or end up on Dr. Phil or whatever.”
Colin chuckled. “I hate that guy.” His smiled faded. “I’ve already talked to my parents about seeing a shrink. I know that things were pretty messed up and I don’t want to be like that anymore. Honestly.”
“Okay.”
Colin nodded. “So…” He trailed off. They continued looking at each other, both seemingly unsure of what to do next. Ephram felt suddenly shy. Finally, Colin tugged his hand and Ephram moved close to him.
They wrapped their arms around each other.
“I missed you,” Ephram whispered in Colin’s ear. He kissed Colin’s neck and held him close. He could hardly believe it was happening, after everything that had happened. He breathed in Colin’s scent and held him tightly.
“I missed you, too.” Colin pulled back a little and kissed Ephram gently. Then his lips traveled over Ephram’s face as he pressed kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Their lips met again and Ephram’s whole body tingled.
They kissed deeply and their hands roved over each other’s bodies. Shirts were pulled up over their heads and they worked on the buttons and zippers on their pants. Soon their clothes were discarded haphazardly and they sank to the floor.
The tiles were cold under his back, but Ephram didn’t care. He pulled Colin close to him and rubbed their bodies together, still kissing him passionately. They were both hard and Colin pressed his cock against Ephram’s, the friction making them both moan with pleasure.
Ephram broke their kiss and rolled Colin onto his back. He kissed Colin’s chest and rolled his nipples between his fingers. He savoured the taste of Colin’s skin on his tongue, the feel of it under his hands. He moved his head down to Colin’s cock and took it in his mouth, without hesitating.
Nothing had ever felt more right.
Colin gasped. “Oh, god, Ephram…” He bucked up into Ephram’s mouth and Ephram licked and sucked him until Colin was coming with a shout. Ephram coughed a bit and swallowed as Colin lay panting.
Ephram licked his lips and smiled. He lazily stroked himself, but soon Colin pushed his hand away and slid down to Ephram’s cock, swirling his tongue around the head. Ephram gasped and all rational thought fled as he watched Colin suck him with his hot, wet mouth.
Colin rolled Ephram’s balls in his palm and Ephram came suddenly, shooting into Colin’s mouth. Ephram lay back on the floor and fought to catch his breath. Colin leaned over him and smiled down. He kissed him languorously, and Ephram relished the taste of both Colin and himself mixed together on their tongues.
They lay together on the floor, grinning stupidly. After a minute, Ephram asked, “So, you think we’re going to get beat up a lot when school starts again?”
Colin snuggled closer and traced invisible patterns on Ephram’s stomach. “Nah, Bright’ll be our bodyguard.”
Ephram laughed. “Just Bright? We’ll have to think of some way to pay him, he’ll have his hands full with all the assholes in this school.”
“Well, you give a pretty amazing blow job.”
Ephram flushed. “Um, thanks.”
Colin still traced his fingertips across Ephram’s chest and stomach. “Did that guy show you how or something?” Ephram tensed and Colin’s fingers ceased their movement.
“Colin, it was just a one-time thing. I don’t even know his last name, he lives in another state.”
“I wasn’t…I just wondered. I’m not mad.”
Ephram relaxed. “Okay.”
“Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Uh huh.”
“Did you…did you let him…like…you know…go all the way?”
Ephram thought guiltily of how Mark had invited him upstairs, how he probably would have gone if his father hadn’t interrupted. “No. We just fooled around. And I still thought about you.” That was true enough, he had thought of Colin while Mark was sucking him off.
“Really?”
“Really.” Ephram met Colin’s eyes and they both smiled. It didn’t matter what was in the past – Colin was the only one he wanted.
Colin’s hand began wandering again. “So, what are you doing this summer? Are you going to New York?”
“Uh uh. I don’t really want to deal with my grandparents yet. I thought I’d hang around Everwood. You know: play the piano, do some reading. Suck your dick every chance I get.”
Colin laughed. “Sounds like a good plan to me!” He kissed Ephram soundly.
“What about you?”
“You’re looking at it.”
“Getting naked and sucking my dick? Sounds good.” Ephram laughed and Colin swatted his butt playfully.
“Well, aside from that, I was referring to photography. I was hoping I could get a job at the camera store. We’ll see, I guess. They might not want me now.”
They both sobered and Ephram pulled Colin closer. “What about your parents? How are they dealing?”
“Okay, I guess. They’re both just sad, you know? I think it’s going to take some time. It pretty much sucks.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll work it out. They’ll come around.”
“Yeah,” Colin said, but he didn’t sound convinced. He was quiet for a bit, before speaking again. “So, I guess we’re like, boyfriends, huh?”
Ephram considered it. “Yeah, I guess we are.” He liked the sound of that.
Colin’s fingers grazed Ephram’s cheek. “I love you,” he said, softly.
“I love you, too.” They kissed and rested quietly with their heads together for a few more minutes. Finally, Ephram groaned and said, “Okay, this floor isn’t getting any softer.” Colin laughed and they both reached for their clothes.
They both dressed and Colin went to work putting away the equipment he’d been using. As he finished up, Ephram turned his attention to the photographs that were drying on the far side of the room on a clothesline.
He hadn’t really noticed them when he’d come in, but now as he neared them, his breath caught in his throat. Some of the pictures were of the mountains and some of a lake that Ephram didn’t recognize.
But others were of him.
They were taken at a distance, and in most of them Ephram appeared to be on his way to or from school. One drew his attention more than the others: it was taken through the front window of his house, and he sat inside at the piano, his eyes closed, his head tilted.
“I couldn’t resist. You look so, I don’t know…passionate when you’re playing.” Ephram looked over his shoulder at Colin, who regarded him nervously.
“I wasn’t like, stalking you. I just…I’d see you sometimes and I had to take pictures. That day I went to your house but I was too afraid to talk to you. Then I saw you playing and I didn’t want to disturb you. You looked so into it, I probably could have crashed through the window and I don’t think you’d have noticed.”
Ephram looked back at the picture. There was some glare from the sun on the window, and it created a glow around him. He thought of the last Thanksgiving Grateful Book his mother had made, how she’d written that his playing was like angels dancing on the keyboard.
“I’m sorry, I won’t take pictures without you knowing anymore.”
Ephram looked back at Colin over his shoulder again and smiled. “Think I can get a copy of this one?”
“Yeah, sure. You really like it?” Colin chewed his lip.
“Yeah, I really like it.” He turned and studied the picture again, his fingers lightly brushing across it. His mother had always loved to watch him play.
“It’s pretty cool, with the light and everything.”
Ephram swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” He smiled and shook his head, snapping back to the present. “Hey, I thought you didn’t take pictures of people.” He scanned the hanging photographs for other faces.
Colin’s arms wrapped around his stomach from behind and Ephram leaned back, contentedly.
“You’re not people.” Colin leaned his head against Ephram’s and they stood in comfortable silence.
Finally, Ephram spoke. “You ready to head out?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
In the antechamber, Colin paused and took Ephram’s hand. “Hey, you wanna go to a movie or something tonight?”
Ephram thought about seeing all those people, all the whispering and staring.
Screw it.
He grinned. “Yeah. I hear there’s a hot pirate movie out.”
Colin grinned back and they walked out into the light.
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The end! Whew!(c) everfic. cue edna's voice: i don't own squat, private.
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