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One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuck

Chapter Five: Revelation

Disclaimer: I own squat, etc.
Feedback: It makes so, so happy, so yes please. Enjoy!

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Ephram didn’t know how long he sat on the porch, his knees hugged to his chest, eyes staring ahead blankly. The wooden seat below him had long since become uncomfortable, but he couldn’t bear the thought of going inside.

Couldn’t bear the thought of facing his father.

Ephram was sure by now the Harts must have called him. Told him. He couldn’t even imagine what his dad would say. Things had been better between them, but this would change everything.

He wondered how he had gotten to this point, how he had stumbled into this minefield. A month or so ago, everything was going fine. He was settling into Everwood, he was finding his way. But now he felt as if his life were over, he could see no way out.

They knew. His father was going to know.

Ephram thought of his mother and his eyes welled up. What would she say? He thought that maybe it was good that she never knew what he really was, that she didn’t live to see this. The notion had barely formed in his mind before he was flooded with guilt.

He missed her so intensely in that moment that he felt like screaming, like howling to the moon that was rising in the sky.

“Ephram? What are you doing out here?”

He froze at the sound of his father’s voice. For a second, he had the absurd thought that if he didn’t move, maybe his dad would go away.

“Ephram? What’s going on? You missed dinner.” Andy came and sat beside him. “Where’s your coat? You’re shivering.” He put his hand on Ephram’s shoulder, concerned.

“Don’t touch me.” Ephram flinched and faced away from his father, trying to hide his face, which he knew showed the telltale sign of dried tears. He put his forehead on his knees and held his legs even more tightly. First a deer in the headlights, and now a turtle in its shell, he thought derisively.

“Ephram, what’s going on?”

“Just leave me alone, I’m fine. Go away.” His voice was muffled. “I don’t want to talk.” He realized that the Harts hadn’t called, his father didn’t know. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy or not. At least they would have spared him the horror of telling his father himself.

“Ephram, I’m not going away.”

He groaned internally. He recognized the tone, and he knew there was no way out at this point. His father would poke and prod until he had his answers. Just like he did to people’s brains, he would cut Ephram open and keep looking until he found what he was looking for. Ephram took a deep breath and raised his head.

Andy’s face was etched with concern. Ephram swallowed and looked out over the lawn. If he was going to do this, he couldn’t look at him. He took another deep breath.

“Dad, something happened.” He tried to think of what else to say, but the words felt formless in his mind, impossible to corral onto his tongue.

“What? What happened?” Andy’s voice suddenly took on an even deeper level of concern. “Ephram, are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?” He put his hand on Ephram’s cheek and tried to get a better look at his face.

“No, Dad, I’m not hurt.” Ephram shook him off, brushed his hand away. Not hurt. He felt the lie congeal in the pit of his stomach.

“Ephram, I want you to tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

He was going for commanding, but Ephram could hear the fear in his father’s words. It hit him that his father loved him. Like, really, really actually did love him. He wanted to hold onto it, bury himself in his father’s arms and be surrounded by it.

Would his dad still love him like this after he finally started talking? Ephram was acutely aware that this might be the last time in his life that his father’s love would be so strong, so untainted.

Regret washed over him. He thought of all the times that his father had tried to be close to him since they’d come to Everwood. How more often than not, he’d pushed him away.

And now it was too late.

Ephram had to tell him that he was…what, exactly? Gay? Did what happened with Colin make him gay? Or was Colin just a special case? An exception to the rule?

“Ephram, please. Talk to me.”

Ephram tightened his arms, trying to make himself even smaller. He took another deep breath. He focused on the porch railing, the chipped paint and weathered wood.

“It’s about Colin.”

He could sense his father change gears into medical mode. “Did something happen to Colin?”

“No. Well, yes. I mean…something happened with him.” Ephram’s heart pounded in his chest.

“Has he been having more problems? I was concerned that things wouldn’t go as smoothly as his parents thought they would.”

“Dad, you’re not getting it.” Ephram took another deep breath. “Look, I really like him.”

“Well, I like him too, Ephram, that’s why I want to know what happened, so I can help. Did he have another episode?”

“No, listen, he’s fine. I mean, medically, he’s fine. The problem is that I really like him.”

Andy laughed, relieved. “Why would that be a problem? What’s gotten into you today?”

Ephram sighed and was silent. Finally he said, “look, when I say I really like him, I mean I like him in a way that’s not normal, okay?”

The words hung in the air, and silence enveloped them.

Ephram kept his gaze riveted to the railing, but he felt the moment when the other shoe dropped in his dad’s head. He imagined that he could hear the dull thud. Andy sat up straighter and pulled back slightly. Ephram felt the distance between them keenly, as if inches were miles.

“You like him. You mean…what do you mean?”

“I mean we’re more than just friends.” Ephram wished he were anywhere else in the world.

His father was stunned. Ephram took a quick glance at his face. Andy swallowed and tried to form words, but came up short. Finally, he spoke. “So, you like Colin as more than a friend. And Colin feels the same way?”

A short, bitter laugh burst out of Ephram. “I have no idea what Colin feels.”

“Oh. So, you have a…crush on him.”

Ephram’s chest tightened. He blinked, willing himself not to cry. He wanted to scream out that it was no crush, although the word did seem somewhat appropriate, considering how much pain he was in.

“Ephram, it’s not unusual for kids your age to have feelings like this. Colin’s a great kid, and he has a lot going for him. And I think sometimes people can mistake friendship for something else.” Andy seemed pleased with this rationalization.

“It’s not…Dad, stuff has happened, okay?”

More silence. The Great Doctor Brown was certainly not expecting to hear this, Ephram thought.

“What do you mean, stuff?”

Ephram swung his head around at his father. “Jesus, what do you think I mean? You want the details? Stuff has happened.”

His father looked at him, his mouth slightly agape. After a few moments, he regained his composure. “So, you’re saying you and Colin are having a sexual relationship.”

Ephram shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. I mean, it hasn’t gone like…all the way, or whatever, but it’s not just some crush.”

His father digested this. “What about Amy? Ephram, where is this coming from?”

“How the fuck should I know?” Anger surged through him. He’d really like an answer to that question. Where had this come from? Had it always been there, just waiting to unleash?

“Alright, calm down. Ephram, I just…I’m just surprised. Are you telling me you’re gay?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what I’m telling you, okay? I don’t want to be telling you anything!” Ephram’s voice was tinged with hysteria and he leapt up off the bench, suddenly unable to sit still.

“So what happened today? Why are you so upset?” Andy’s voice held a note of detachment. It reminded Ephram of how he’d heard his father speak to patients.

“I went to Colin’s. I was helping him clean up the shed in his backyard. It just…we were just…doing stuff, and suddenly Amy walked in and then his mother, and his father and everyone just freaked out.” The last words left Ephram in a rush and he stopped pacing. He turned his back to his father and wrapped his arms around himself.

His father sighed. “I guess Colin’s parents are very upset.”

Ephram’s voice was choked with emotion. “They said…Amy said…that I…that I was taking advantage of Colin, that I was doing bad things to him. They’re blaming me, Dad. I think Colin’s going along. I think he’s really scared and he’s going along with what they say.” Ephram felt a strange need to defend Colin’s actions, despite the betrayal that was eating away at him.

He turned to his father, who looked shell-shocked. Ephram gave up the battle to control his emotions, and tears streamed from his eyes. “Dad, I didn’t do what they said. I didn’t do anything Colin didn’t want. I mean, he was the one who started the whole thing. I didn’t force him, I would never do that! I wasn’t doing anything bad! You have to believe me.” He sobbed; his breath coming in short gasps.

Andy stood up, shaking off his stupor. He pulled Ephram into his arms. “Of course I believe you, Ephram. I know you’d never hurt anyone. Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay.”

Ephram sobbed anew and clung to his father. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m sorry.” He registered the fact that his dad was still there, that he had his arms around him.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong with Ephram?” Delia was standing by the front door, her eyes wide, voice tremulous.

Ephram pulled away from his father and wiped his eyes furiously.

“Delia, everything’s going to be fine. Ephram’s just upset right now. Go back in the house and we’ll be in soon, okay, honey?” Andy tried to smile.

Delia looked on, obviously unconvinced. “There’s a phone call for you, Dad. It’s Mr. Hart.”

Ephram’s whole body clenched and he fought the urge to vomit.

“Sweetheart, tell him that I’ll call him back shortly, okay? That’s a good girl. I’ll be in very soon.” When Delia had dutifully returned inside, Andy led Ephram back to the bench, sitting them both down.

“I’m going to call the Harts back and see what they have to say. Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine.”

Ephram sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. God, he was acting so pathetic. But his dad was still talking to him. He hadn’t run away from him in disgust.

“Now, I need to know a few things before I call. Was this the first time anything like this has happened?”

Ephram looked away, unable to meet his father’s eyes. “No. It’s happened a few times before.”

“And what exactly were you doing?”

Ephram was silent.

“Ephram, I just want to make sure I have all the facts.”

Ephram concentrated on breathing and not throwing up. Finally, he spoke. “When Amy walked in, we were laying down and we were…kissing.” He felt like the words were knives, slicing his throat as they left his body. “I was…his pants were undone and I was…touching him. You know…” He looked Andy, who nodded. “But I swear to God, he wanted me to.”

“I believe you, Ephram.” He rubbed his face tiredly. “Why don’t you go inside and get something to eat, get cleaned up. I’m going to call Mr. Hart and settle this whole thing.”

Ephram nodded, although the thought of food was not appealing in the least. In the doorway, he paused and looked back at his father, who was staring off into space. He looked exhausted, defeated. Ephram wondered if his father still loved him as fervently as he had ten minutes before.

But at least he believed his father did still love him. That was something.

“Dad?” Andy turned. “You really believe me, right? You’re going to help me? You won’t believe what they say, will you?” Ephram held his breath.

His father walked over and put his hands on Ephram’s shoulders. “Of course I’m going to help you. I believe you, don’t worry. Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

“I didn’t know what to think.”

“Ephram, I won’t lie. I’m shocked. But we’re going to work through this. Together. Now, go in and get cleaned up.”

Ephram nodded mutely and walked into the house. In the kitchen, Delia sat rigidly at the table. Ephram grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took a gulp. He had no idea what to say to her. He could tell she was scared and for once, he felt like he didn’t have the right words to calm her.

“Did something bad happen?” She sat stock-still, her baseball cap pulled down tightly.

“Yeah, I had a bad day. But don’t worry, okay Delia? It’s going to be fine.” Ephram’s attempt at reassurance sounded hollow, even to him. “I need to go upstairs. Just…don’t worry.” He could feel Delia’s eyes on his back as he left the kitchen.

Upstairs, Ephram went into the bathroom and splashed his face with water. He looked in the mirror. His face was blotchy, his eyes puffy and red. He moved into the hallway, towards his room, but stopped dead when he heard the murmur of his father’s voice from downstairs.

The phone call. Suddenly, his father’s voice raised in anger. Ephram could only make out some words.

“Pervert” was one.

He realized quickly that he didn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation. He retreated into the bathroom, turning on the water full blast and stripping off his clothes.

He stood under the shower, trying to block out everything else. But no matter how hot the water, or how hard the pressure, or how hard he scrubbed with the soap, it was no use.

Ephram finally understood the meaning of that old song. Colin was under his skin, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

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