EVERFiC _______ quality 'everwood' fanfiction archive
home * new * fanfiction * mine * quote me! * submit * links * contact
One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuckChapter Eight: Acceptance
Disclaimer: I own squat.
Feedback: Makes my heart glad.[ * ]
School continued much as it had earlier in the week. Ephram was taunted and whispered about constantly. The gossip showed no signs of slowing down, and he tried to ignore it.
He also tried to ignore Colin.
History class was the most difficult, despite the fact that Colin had switched seats with Rebecca Taylor, who had generously offered at the beginning of class. She threw dirty looks over her shoulder at Ephram whenever possible.
When the bell rang, he quickly gathered his books and headed out, ignoring Colin’s surreptitious glances. He walked to the gym, dread filling him. It was bad enough usually, never might with the threat of being beaten up again.
Add to that the fact that Colin would be present for this class, and Ephram had never wanted to skip so badly.
They all sat on the bleachers, listening to yet another of the coach’s lectures on the art of dribbling and Ephram’s mind drifted off. He looked over at Bright and, not for the first time, thought about his cryptic comment in the locker room. Had Colin told Bright something before the accident? Did Bright just suspect? Or, the most interesting and alarming possibility: did Bright know about Colin from personal experience?
“Brown!” Ephram snapped to attention. Everyone was staring.
“Um, yeah?” Ephram could feel his face burning.
“Thanks for joining us. I said, you’re a captain today, get up and pick your team.”
“That’s okay, I don’t want to be captain. Really.”
“Brown, do I look like I care what you want? Everyone gets a turn to be captain, and you haven’t had your turn. Now, I wouldn’t want anyone to say I’m acting prejudiced against you, now would I?” The class snickered at the coach’s mocking tone.
Ephram got up and stood in front of the class. “Josh Miller.” Josh remained seated and looked nervously from side to side.
“What, are you deaf, Miller? Get the hell up here!” There would be no arguing with the coach, and eventually the class was divided. Colin and Bright were both on the other side, which suited Ephram just fine. His team, meanwhile, stood about five feet away from him in a cluster.
“Alright, girls, let’s play!” The coach blew the whistle and everyone sprang into action. Ephram stayed back, as close to the sidelines as possible. He knew that the other guys would take any opportunity to check him, so he tried to stay out of everyone’s way.
Still, the ball managed to come his way, and Bright managed to elbow him in the side of the head. Ephram shoved him, and the whistle blew. “That’s enough, you two. I don’t want any trouble in my class. You can both go to the equipment room and clean the baseball gloves for the rest of the period.”
Bright sputtered a protest, but Ephram was happy to leave. He imagined he could feel Colin’s eyes on his back as he walked out.
Eventually, Bright showed up in the equipment room. Ephram sat cross-legged on the floor, the leather cleaner beside him with a pile of mitts and a couple of rags. Bright paced for a bit before finally sitting across from Ephram. They both went to work, silently.
Finally, Ephram’s curiosity got the better of him. “What did you mean? You know, before. The other day.” Bright didn’t look up, his concentration on the glove in his hands. “Fine, forget it. You know, if you want to beat me up like the other guys, you don’t have to use basketball as an excuse.”
Bright glanced up. “That was an accident.”
Ephram snorted, “yeah, right.”
“Fine, maybe I meant it. Look man, I just…everything’s all fucked up now. Colin was getting better, and then you had to mess it all up.”
Ephram frowned. “What are you talking about? He doesn’t have the sling anymore, and he doesn’t need notes for everything. He is getting better.”
Bright’s eyes were back on the mitt and he scrubbed it. “Yeah, but…things seemed to be so good with him and Amy. I thought…I thought maybe, I don’t know, the accident had like…changed him. Fixed him.”
Ephram took this in. “You knew, before the accident. About Colin. That he’s gay.”
Bright looked up sharply and hissed, “he’s not gay!”
“Oh, really? Then what else do you call someone who has sex with other men?”
“Look, sometimes guys need some…relief, it doesn’t make them queer.”
Ephram realized he might be putting his health in serious jeopardy with his next question. “Guys like you?”
“What?” Bright seemed like he was about to explode, but then he looked around, nervously. He spoke in a whisper. “Fine, so maybe a few times, Colin and I…messed around. He said it was better than our own hands, you know? And I mean, a lot of guys do it.”
“So I hear. I apparently did not hang around with the right people when I was a kid.”
“Look, I’m not gay. I like girls, okay? I mean, at the time, sure, it was better than jacking off, especially when you’ve had a few beers. But…I don’t you know, LIKE guys.”
“But Colin does.”
Bright struggled for the right words. “He’s just confused. He loves my sister and they’re going to get married one day and have kids and everything will be normal.”
“Maybe they will, but it’ll never be normal. You and Amy and Colin and the whole world can deny it, but Colin’s never going to be happy with Amy, or with any other girl, for that matter. Let me guess: it was always Colin that initiated your little drunken…release sessions.”
Bright said nothing at first. Then he sighed. “Look, he just has to forget about that kind of stuff. He has a chance to be normal. I’m sorry Colin got you into this, and I’m sorry you got beat up. I know we haven’t exactly been friends but…you’re…not so bad. And I know you didn’t like, trick him into anything, he probably started it.” He laughed ruefully. “He can be really persuasive, huh? I mean, it’s not like you really like guys either, right?”
Ephram knew his answer could potentially make or break the next few years of his life, and debated silently about his answer. What the hell, he thought. “Actually, I do.” Bright looked at him, eyes wide. “Yep, what they’re saying is true, I’m a total queer. I just didn’t realize it until Colin came along.”
“But…so…you would really rather make it with a guy, than a chick?” Ephram nodded. Bright wore a perplexed expression that Ephram would have found funny in another situation. “So, you and Colin…it was more than just whacking off?”
“Yeah, it was more.” Bright contemplated this silently. “Hey, Bright…did Colin drink a lot before the accident? I know you guys were drinking the day of the accident, was that like, a regular thing?”
“No, not really. I mean, sure, we’d party sometimes, but it’s not like he was heading for AA or anything. Why? I thought you were the one getting him drunk these days.”
Ephram shook his head. “He was the one who had the booze, not me. I only drank it because…I don’t know why. But…just keep an eye on him, okay? Not like I really care, but it’s not exactly healthy for him to be secretly drinking.”
Bright sighed. “No, not exactly. I will. Keep an eye on him. Um…thanks.” The last word was said with no small amount of effort.
The door sprang open and the coach looked down at them. “Have you looked at the time? Class is over, get your asses out of here.” They threw the mitts into a pile and went to the locker room, which was mercifully already empty.
Ephram changed quickly, as did Bright, who stood as far away from him as the room would allow. “Bright, I’m not going to like, attack you.”
Bright was defensive. “I know. Like you could, anyway. As if.” He finished packing up his bag. “Listen, I think you’re wrong about Colin. He’s not like that. He’s just been through a lot.”
“And before the accident?”
“That was just…boys being boys, normal stuff, like they say. It wasn’t…he’s not like that.” Bright didn’t sound convinced.
Ephram stood up. “Sure, you and Colin and Amy and his parents just keep telling yourselves that. Maybe one day you’ll believe it.”
This time, it was Ephram who left Bright in the locker room, confused and alone.
------------------------
“May I be excused?” Delia fidgeted in her seat.
“Well, you certainly inhaled your dinner. Are you late for an important date that I don’t know about?” Andy tried to look disapproving.
“I think she wants to watch that Mary-Kate and Ashley movie on TV.” Ephram smiled at his sister.
“No, I’m just done early!”
“Oh, so you won’t mind going up to your room to study, then? Good, you can be excused.” Andy smiled and went back to his dinner.
Delia sighed and stared at her empty plate dejectedly. Ephram and his father both tried not to laugh, but couldn’t resist. “Okay, Delia, you can watch TV. But in the future, we are to spend dinner together, until everyone is finished,” Andy said.
“Deal!” Delia bounded up from the table and ran to the living room. Andy and Ephram laughed again and went back to their meal.
“So, I spoke to your grandparents today.”
Ephram stopped in the middle of cutting his chicken and looked up. “Did you…what did you talk about? I mean, did you…what did you say?” His heart was pounding. He’d been so consumed with Colin and everything that had happened that he hadn’t really thought about what his grandparents would think about everything that had happened.
“I didn’t tell them, Ephram. I wouldn’t do that without speaking to you first.”
Ephram exhaled a sigh of relief. “Thanks. So, what’s new in New York?” He went back to his chicken.
“Ephram, don’t you think we should talk about this? You’ve always been so close to them, are you afraid of telling them?”
Ephram put down his knife and fork again. “Yeah, I am. Maybe it’s stupid, but…I just don’t know what they’d say.”
“Well, to be honest, I don’t know either. Your grandparents are very kind and loving people, but they’re very conservative and I know I’ve disagreed with them in the past on some issues.”
“What do you think they’ll say, Dad?” Ephram felt cold and his dinner had lost all its appeal.
“I don’t know. I know they love you, but homosexuality can be very difficult for some people to accept. But you won’t know until you tell them. Jacob was asking when you’re going to come for a visit.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I can deal with them yet. I just…I know they’ll be disappointed.”
Andy opened his mouth to argue, but conceded the point. “Ephram, I wish I could tell you that everyone was going to accept you with open arms, but that’s just not the case. Not that your grandparents won’t, you have to give them a chance, when you’re ready. But you should also be ready for some difficult times ahead.”
Ephram nodded and pushed the remainder of his meal around on his plate. “I think I’m done.”
Andy just nodded. “Me too. You know, Ephram, there are other things we need to talk about too. I’m not sure exactly how far things went with Colin, and I know you know the importance of safe sex…”
Ephram rolled his eyes and cut him off. “Dad, please. Don’t worry; I know what I’m doing, okay? Can we just not talk about this right now?”
“Fine, but we are going to talk about it.” Ephram nodded reluctantly. “Come on, let’s see what mayhem those wacky twins are getting up to, I’m sure there’ll be lots of fun for everyone.”
“I think I’ll pass.” Ephram got up and cleaned his plate off.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Andy looked at him, concerned.
“No, it’s okay. Really. I should do some homework.” Ephram went upstairs and flopped down on his bed. He’d always considered New York a haven, a place he longed to escape to. But he had a gut feeling that Nonny and Grandpa wouldn’t take his news well. He tried to imagine their reactions, and could only see a lot of fights and blame being placed squarely on his father’s shoulders.
He couldn’t go back to New York, and he was an outcast in Everwood. Ephram thought of his mother. She’d always been the one to solve all his problems, the one he could run to when everything and everyone else failed. He knew she was gone, but he realized he was only beginning to understand what that really meant.
-----------------------------
Ephram stirred, sensing someone in the dark room. “Delia?” His voice was groggy. “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare? I know those Olsen twins can be pretty scary.”
When Delia didn’t answer, Ephram opened his eyes and sat up. His heart leapt into his throat and he gasped. “Colin?” He rubbed his eyes, expecting the apparition to fade away.
Yet Colin still stood at the end of the bed, his arms wrapped around himself.
Ephram whispered, “what are you doing here? How did you get in?” He looked at the florescent glow of the clock. 2:23 a.m.
“You said once that you climbed out for a kegger. Remember, when you got busted? I figured if you could get out, I could get in.”
“You could have killed yourself!” Ephram stopped and lowered his voice again. “I said, what are you doing here?” Colin didn’t answer and Ephram couldn’t really make out his expression in the gloom beyond his bed. “Look, if this is…if you’re here to get off then you’ve come to the wrong place. I told you I don’t want to see you. Get the hell out.”
Colin stood, unmoving. Ephram shook his head. “Fine, I’ll start yelling and my father will be here in like, ten seconds. Is that what you want?”
Colin moved forward to the side of the bed and sat down. “You look really peaceful when you’re sleeping. You know that?”
Ephram swallowed. Colin seemed out of it, slightly dazed. “What’s going on? You’re…you’re shaking.” The moonlight through the window brushed Colin’s face. Ephram couldn’t help but think he looked beautiful.
Colin looked down, avoiding Ephram’s eyes. Ephram wanted to reach out and touch him, but he resisted. He steeled himself, his voice cold. “Colin, you have to go. We’ve said all there is to say.”
Colin didn’t move. He seemed frozen, and Ephram was gearing himself up to order him out again when Colin looked up. His eyes gleamed and a tear ran down his cheek. “Please don’t hate me.” Ephram stared in shock. Colin’s voice shook. “Please, Ephram. I don’t know what to do. Please don’t hate me.” He cried softly.
Ephram didn’t think, just reached out and wrapped his arms around Colin, pulling him close. Colin’s breath was ragged and his voice pained. “Don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” He clutched Ephram tightly.
Ephram held him, and reached one hand up to stroke his hair gently. “I don’t hate you, Colin. It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” His voice was choked and he fought his own tears. He’d tried so hard to hate him, but he couldn’t.
After a while, Colin’s sobs subsided. He kissed Ephram’s neck, then pulled back and looked into his eyes. Colin leaned in to kiss him, but Ephram pulled back. “No. You can’t fix everything with sex. We need to talk.”
Colin’s voice was hoarse. “We will. But…please, I just need…I need you.” Ephram told himself that he should get up, but when Colin tried to kiss him again, he let him. “I just need to feel you close, Ephram. You’re the only one who really knows me, I need you so much.” Colin continued kissing him and Ephram felt himself falling again.
Colin’s hands roamed over Ephram’s body, and he lifted Ephram's shirt over his head. He looked at the bruises that still darkened Ephram’s chest, then pushed him back gently upon the bed, his fingers gently tracing the mottled skin.
Ephram’s breath caught in his throat as Colin softly kissed each bruise, licking the skin tenderly. Colin brushed Ephram’s stomach lightly with one hand while his lips continued their exploration.
Eventually, Ephram pulled Colin’s head back up towards his own. He kissed him passionately and pulled Colin’s shirt over his head, moaning in pleasure at the feel of skin on skin. He yanked his pajama bottoms and underwear off, then helped Colin with the fly of his jeans.
Soon they were both naked, pressed against each other. They kissed, only stopping for breath. Ephram marveled at the feel of Colin’s body on top of his, his slick and soft skin, the friction between their cocks as they strained against each other.
Their hips pumped together and their breath quickened, soft moans escaping their lips. Then Ephram was coming and he bit his lip to avoid crying out. Colin soon followed and they lay together, spent and sticky.
Ephram grabbed his discarded t-shirt and wiped them both clean. He pulled the blankets up over them and nestled close to Colin, their legs tangled and their foreheads pressed together on the pillow.
He knew they had a lot to talk about, but Ephram couldn’t bring himself to disturb the peace of their cocoon. They drifted off to sleep, breath mingled and their fingers entwined.(c) everfic. cue edna's voice: i don't own squat, private.
gorgeous banner made by the talented cj-same