EVERFiC _______ quality 'everwood' fanfiction archive
home * new * fanfiction * mine * quote me! * submit * links * contact
One Word Series
by bigboobedcanuckChapter Nine: Forgive
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Feedback: Very much appreciated.[ * ]
Ephram awoke to the sensation of his earlobe being gently sucked into a warm mouth. A hand caressed his chest and a leg worked its way between his, a body pressed up behind him. He looked over his shoulder in the dim, grey light of the room and Colin’s lips found his. Ephram thought he must have been dreaming. But Colin didn’t fade away and Ephram turned to face him.
“Hey,” Ephram whispered with a crooked smile. “Are you real?” He reached up and brushed Colin’s face with his fingers.
Colin looked at him, his face solemn. He was silent for a while, his eyes drifting shut. “I’m not sure,” he said, softly. Colin opened his eyes again. “I should go, the sun will be up soon.” Ephram looked over at his clock, wishing he could press a few buttons and rewind the last few hours. Colin had been in his bed and he had wasted time actually sleeping.
“Good thing you woke up, my Dad gets up kinda early.”
“I never sleep through the night, I have these dreams and stuff. Sometimes I can’t sleep at all, it’s like…I feel like I already slept forever at the hospital.”
“Oh.” Ephram wasn’t sure what to say, or whether to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind, but he went ahead. “Colin, what’s up with the drinking? Like, are you doing it a lot? Because I don’t think that’s a good thing.”
Colin rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Sometimes I just need to take the edge off.”
“Like last night? Or this morning, whenever it was you came over?” Ephram had thought he tasted something on Colin’s tongue, faintly. Vodka, perhaps, there wasn’t really a flavour, more of an impression of alcohol left behind. When Colin didn’t answer, Ephram continued. “Where are you getting it from? It’s not like your parents keep it in the house after what happened.”
Colin still regarded the ceiling. “It’s easy. No one locks their doors in this town.”
Ephram propped himself on his elbow and looked down at Colin incredulously. “You’re breaking into people’s houses to get booze?”
“Shhh. You want your father coming in here?”
Ephram lowered his voice back to a whisper. “Seriously, you’re busting into people’s houses?”
“It’s not like anyone’s going to miss a bottle from their cabinet, you should see how much stuff some people keep.”
“Colin, that’s breaking and entering.”
“I told you the doors are unlocked.”
Ephram rolled his eyes and flopped back down on the mattress. “That’s fucked up.”
Colin shrugged. “Yeah, I know. There’s a lot of stuff that’s fucked up right now. I’m sorry, I figured it wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“You’re hurting yourself. Look, promise me you’ll stop, okay? When you feel like drinking, just…call me instead.”
Colin looked at him, the growing light through the window giving Ephram a better view of his face. “Why do you care, Ephram? After what I did…why…why don’t you hate me? I know last night I…I was a mess, and you felt sorry for me. But I don’t blame you if you do hate me.” Colin inhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t deserve you, Ephram.”
Their eyes were locked and Ephram swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “You’re right, you don’t.”
Colin flinched and shut his eyes. Ephram reached out and brushed his eyes open again. “Colin, you really hurt me. And I tried to hate you, believe me, I did. But I don’t. I can’t. I love you too much.”
Colin sucked in a quick breath and his eyes filled with tears. He fought for control, but his exhale was a soft sob. He pulled Ephram to him, their arms winding around each other. Ephram could feel Colin’s tears wetting his neck and he clung to him. He’d said it.
Love.
Ephram marveled at how naturally the word had spilled from his mouth, he hadn’t even thought twice.
Colin cried softly and Ephram stroked his back gently. After a few minutes, Colin raised his head. “How? How can you love me? I’m like…half a person. A ghost of someone they say I used to be and this cowardly freak they brought home from the hospital.”
Ephram tried to wipe the tears from Colin’s face. “You’re not a freak, okay? There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, no matter what anyone says. It’s not wrong. We’re not wrong, Colin.”
“But look at me. Look what I did to you, the one person who really knows me. Who really…loves me.” His voice choked with emotion. “I totally sold you out, I just sat back and let my parents and everyone believe that you were some horrible person because I was too scared to stand up for you.”
“Well, yeah, that was pretty much the worse thing anyone’s ever done to me, I’m not going to lie.” Colin looked away towards the window, blinking back more tears. Ephram went on. “Colin, you were a coward, you’re right. But you don’t have to be. Don’t you see? You can be whoever you want to be. I know that your parents and Amy and everyone else wants something different, but it’s your life.”
“Is it?” Colin’s eyes were still on the brightening window. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just borrowing this body. Like I’m a bookmark and someday Colin the First will come back and take up where he left off. Then I’ll just be floating around somewhere. Sometimes I feel like I’m already dead.” Colin turned his head back and their eyes locked. “Except when I’m with you. That day in the darkroom was the first time I ever felt alive.” He took a deep breath and the words flowed out with it. “I love you, Ephram.”
It was Ephram’s turn to well up. “Colin…” His voice cracked and he ducked his head. Colin tenderly ran his fingers through Ephram’s hair.
“I didn’t mean to love you. I tried to be what they wanted, what he was. I thought that I could do it, that I could be him and forget about you. But I can’t and I’m so sorry that I abandoned you like that. I didn’t want to hurt you, I never wanted that. I was just so afraid. I still…I still am. But I hate myself for hurting you. Please…please say you’ll forgive me.”
Ephram wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. “Colin, what you did was terrible and you really have no idea how much it hurt.” Ephram struggled for the right words. “You betrayed me in the worst way and you betrayed yourself. But I can forgive you.” Colin’s eyes brightened. “But only on one condition. You have to come out, Colin. You have to tell everyone the truth. I won’t be your secret.”
Colin sighed and his eyes flicked away. “I know. But it’ll break their hearts, Ephram.”
Ephram was going to answer when he heard the sound of his father’s footsteps in the hall. He held his breath until he heard the bathroom door close. Colin sat up and reached for his discarded clothes.
Although they had been speaking in hushed tones, Colin lowered his voice further. “I should go, I don’t think your father would be too happy to find me here.”
“Probably not. But you know, he’s been really cool. Like, amazingly cool.”
Colin pulled his shirt over his head. “What did you tell him?”
“The truth.”
Colin blinked, as if the word confused him. “You told him…”
“I told him about us, and that I’m gay. And he and Delia have been awesome. Sometimes people can surprise you, if you’re just honest with them.”
Colin grimaced and stood, pulling up his jeans. “I guess I wouldn’t know.” He yanked on his shoes and then stood awkwardly by the bed. “So…there’s an ‘us’? This is really real?” Ephram pulled on his pajama bottoms and walked around the bed.
“Yeah, it’s real.” Colin leaned in to kiss him, but Ephram stepped back. “But I mean it, I won’t be your secret.” Colin nodded and pulled him close. Colin’s hands were on Ephram’s hips and their tongues met. Ephram allowed himself to enjoy the kiss before pulling back again. “You have to tell the truth. Or it’s over.”
Colin nodded. “I promise I will. Just give me some time, okay?” Ephram looked skeptical. “I swear, Ephram! I’ll tell them. This is just really hard, I don’t think I can go do it over breakfast.”
Ephram softened. “Okay. But soon, right? I won’t wait around forever. Just remember this is your life, okay, Colin? Not theirs.” Ephram kissed him softly. “And not his.”
Colin smiled wistfully. “Just…just give me a bit of time. I promise I won’t let you down.”
They kissed again.
Ephram could hear the shower running in the bathroom. “Come on, you should go out the front door, it’s too dangerous to be climbing out the window.”
Colin laughed softly. “I guess I should be glad you worry about me.”
Ephram turned, his hand on the doorknob. “I almost forgot. You have to promise not to drink anymore and you sure as hell have to promise you won’t break into any more houses.”
“I told you, it’s no big deal.” At Ephram’s stony look, Colin continued. “Fine, I promise. I swear.” Ephram nodded and opened his door, taking Colin’s hand in his. They crept into the hallway and tiptoed to the stairs. Delia was still fast asleep and Andy was humming an off-key tune in the shower.
Downstairs, they paused in front of the door. “Ephram, if I don’t talk to you at school today, don’t take it the wrong way, okay? I have to tell my parents before anyone else.”
Ephram nodded reluctantly. They both shifted nervously. Now that they were out of his room, the real world was back in full force. “See you later, Colin.”
Colin kissed Ephram quickly and then hugged him tightly. He left without another word, and Ephram watched him walk quickly down the street, his head low in the early morning light.
Ephram headed back upstairs to his room and flopped back on his bed. When he turned his face to the pillow, he could smell Colin faintly. He smiled and burrowed under the covers.
------------------------
“Ephram, wake up.” A hand shook him gently.
“Colin?” Ephram struggled up from the depths of his deep sleep, like a diver struggling to reach the surface of the water. He looked up at his father’s face, which wore an awkward smile.
“No, it’s just your old man.”
Ephram sat up and rubbed his face. “What’s going on?”
Andy sat on the side of the bed. “You’re going to be late for school. Delia’s already caught the bus.”
“Oh. Listen, I’m not feeling too well, I don’t think I’m going to go.” Ephram snuggled back down into the covers.
“What’s wrong?” Andy put his hand on Ephram’s forehead. “You’re not hot, are you feeling any pain? Do your ribs hurt?”
“Dad, stop. I’m fine. I just don’t feel like going to school, okay? Can I please take a day off? It’s Friday and this week has just been…really tiring.”
Andy sighed. “Okay, Ephram. I know it’s been tough for you. You’re feeling okay though? I know it’s hard at school, but you know it won’t always be like this, right? This isn’t the end all, be all, it’s only one small part of your life, when you look back on it.”
Ephram smirked. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying home to off myself.”
Andy’s expression darkened. “Ephram, that isn’t funny! Gay teenagers have a much higher rate of suicide than other kids, and I know things can look hopeless sometimes. And I worry about you. A lot.”
Ephram blinked and looked down. “I’m sorry. I know you worry.” He looked up at his father. “I promise, I’m not getting all depressed, I just need a break today.” He was telling the truth, but Ephram left out the fact that after last night, he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Colin at school with Amy and their bitchy circle of friends. “So, you’ve been doing research on gay teens or something?”
“I just want to understand the best I can, Ephram.”
“I know, it’s cool. Dad, you’ve been really great. Honestly.”
“Ephram, I need to ask you something. I know we’ve had the safe sex talk before…” Ephram groaned and turned his face into the pillow. “…And I know you don’t want to hear it again, clearly. But I need to know that you’ll always be careful.”
Ephram sighed and turned back to his father. “Dad, I will, okay? It’s not like I’m going around picking up men at bars or something.” Andy’s expression tightened and Ephram could see he was uncomfortable with the thought. “Colin’s the only guy I’ve ever liked, don’t worry.”
“And you know that Colin’s never been with anyone else? Ephram, I’ll remind you that an STD was going around your school in the fall. You never know.”
Ephram thought of Bright’s confession. What if there had been other guys, too? He had no idea how far Colin had gone back in those days. But surely the hospital would have found out if Colin had had an STD? “I’ll talk to him about it, okay?”
Andy blinked in surprise. “Are you talking to him again? I thought you were staying away from Colin.” His father’s eyes narrowed.
“I meant, I’ll talk to him about it if we ever…start seeing each other again. Look, I’m really tired, I just want to get some sleep.”
Andy nodded. “Okay, but I want you to come into the office next week so I can take some blood and send it to be tested.” Ephram began to protest, but Andy cut him off. “No debate, you need a check-up anyway. So, I’ll call around lunch to see how you’re feeling, and how about we go out to Gino Chang’s tonight for some spring rolls and linguine? You need to get out of the house and have some fun.”
Ephram grinned half-heartedly at his father’s sudden shift in conversation topics. “Sure, sounds great.”
He waited until he heard Andy’s car moving down the street before he could relax. Ephram thought of last night and everything that he and Colin had said. So, they were in love.
It was official.
He closed his eyes and heard Colin’s voice in his head, felt his hands on his body. A voice somewhere in the distance warned him not to be so content, not to count on anything. It was possible that Colin would back out, that he would change his mind about telling the truth.
Ephram knew that if that happened, it would be over.
But he banished the thought and allowed himself to enjoy the memories while they were fresh in his mind, knowing that they would inevitably fade. And knowing that if Colin didn’t keep his word, they might never come again.
-----------------------------
Gino Chang’s was enjoying brisk business. Ephram played rock-scissors-paper with Delia while they waited for a table. He knew that he was attracting quite a few stares and whispers from the other patrons, but he tried to ignore them. He could sense his father’s growing anger and tried to concentrate on Delia.
“Ha! Paper covers rock! I win again, Ephram.”
“Best thirteen out of fourteen.”
“Brown, party of three?” Gino led them to a table, not far from the one where Amy and her father were enjoying their traditional Friday dinner. She smiled tightly at Delia’s wave and Dr. Abbott nodded to Andy.
They perused their menus. “So, things not so good with Amy these days?”
Ephram snorted. “Remarkable powers of intuition, Dr. Brown.”
“Why is she mad at you?” Delia looked at him, wide-eyed.
“It’s because of something that happened with Colin. It’s complicated, Delia. Don’t worry, okay?” Ephram tried to smile reassuringly and went back to his menu.
“Is Colin mad at you too?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer. “Um…no.”
“Are you sure?”
Ephram rolled his eyes at his sister’s constant questions. “Yes, I’m sure. Why?”
“Because he just came in and his dad kinda looks like Miss Violet did in my dream where she was going to explode.”
Both Ephram and Andy turned in their chairs and saw Colin standing by the door with his parents. Everyone in the restaurant seemed to pick up on the sudden tension, and a hush fell. Colin seemed frozen in place and his parents regarded Ephram with fury.
Ephram turned back around and pushed his menu away. “Hey, Dad, remember when you suggested coming to Gino Chang’s for dinner so I could get out of the house? Great idea.”(c) everfic. cue edna's voice: i don't own squat, private.
gorgeous banner made by the talented cj-same