Summary: As the events of 'Departure' unfold
before her eyes, Liz can't help but agonize over what she's lost. Written in the
idea that Tess wasn't found to be Alex's killer, meaning that Max, Tess and
Isabel left Earth.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Max/Liz
Improv: #10 - - illusion, detest, luminous,
vanilla
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue,
I'll cry. ;p Title inspired by Jewel.
Spoiler: 'Departure'
- - -
My fondest memories are in the shape
of a pendant, broken at the bottom and resembling nothing that is known on this
earth. I don't dare take the pendant necklace off from around my neck, afraid to
be left alone with the sorrow without something to hold onto. It feels cold as
it brushes the skin over my heart, the opposite sensation to the tears on my
cheeks that fall despite my battle to keep them inside.
My voice sounds brittle as I laugh, my mind playing its games already and
forcing me to see the pathetic humor in the opposite ways in which my body is
torn: warmth on my face; cold on my chest. There's a desperation in my laughs as
I cope with the realization that even my body doesn't know how to feel anymore.
Maria parts the beaded strands hanging in the doorway, slowly stepping into her
bedroom. "I can't believe this is happening," she says in a defeated monotone. I
realize she's just materialized my shock as well. She slinks onto the bed where
I lay, settling on her back beside me.
I focus my vision on the small dots of plaster peppering Maria's white ceiling.
I imagine being able to look past the material, straight into the morning sky.
The sky that will soon swallow up one of the most important people of my life.
My voice reveals the tears I'm keeping hidden as I tell Maria I wish I could
make this stop. "I want to be anywhere else," I sob. "Anywhere but right here,
right now, feeling this."
Maria just nods, closing her eyes. "I guess this is what it's like for
nightmares to come true."
All that's left of my world is a nightmare the size of you.
In my heart, I cry out for you, Max, aching already without you by my side. I
curse God in silence, feeling I should detest Him for allowing this to happen as
I wonder if He's the creator of hybrids as well. My eyes glaze over from my
inner pain as I suppress a scream, silencing the wails that would make me
resemble a child having a temper tantrum. I want to break something to take the
focus off my shattered heart that now lies in a thousand broken pieces within
me. With every passing minute, they break again and multiply, hitting me with an
unbelievable force, carrying my wave of despair. Broken pieces crashing,
crashing, into my veins.
I strain to see the proverbial silver lining, but fail because it's all but
disappeared. My mind is a swarm of black skies and clashing thunderstorms, rain
pelting down and smacking the ground with the force of bullets, pounding a
headache into me.
Each breath makes my lungs sting like fire, my body rebelling because I don't
want to breathe anymore. I close my eyes and get lost in the thunderstorm of my
mind. In my own illusion of terror, I peer forward, spotting a familiar figure
in the distance.
Black t-shirt clinging to skin from the constant wetness, you advance toward me,
no expression on your face. Slim torso, bulked in muscle to reveal the strength
you conceal with the uncertain pout in your lips. Max. My Max. You, who were
mine once, but can't be anymore.
You stop mere inches from me, a bittersweet smile on your face. The rain falls
harder; lightning electrifies the sky. You reach out a hand, leaning forward to
wipe the mixture of tears and rain from my face. But the second you touch me, I
watch you disintegrate, leaving me with only my loneliness and the staccato
rhythm of rare desert rain.
I open my eyes, needing to see light to save my own sanity. I lock eyes with
Maria who's staring at me, the pain in her face no doubt a reflection of mine. I
sense that she echoes my inner thoughts as well.
"What's happened to us, Liz?" Maria asks in a tone that reminds me of ninth
grade. "We were fine - - going to highschool, hunting for boy toys, being kids.
What happened to that? Why did it have to change?"
My voice is still broken, coming out as though from a scared little girl.
"Because I was saved from death." Because you placed your healing hand on me and
brought me back to life. Because I loved you then, and will love you always.
I couldn't hear your words when you healed me. I felt the sharp pain of the
bullet under my skin; the cold floor of the restaurant on my back. As soon as I
opened my eyes, your face was there. Sound eluded me and all I could make sense
of was the distant blur of words strung together into a long murmuring sound.
Your lips moved as if in slow motion while your eyes pleaded for me to listen.
"You have to look at me." I couldn't look away. Your eyes were suddenly so
magnetic in a way they'd never been before. The deep brown in them glistened as
you concentrated, placing a hand on the wound lodged below my ribcage. I felt
the pain leaving my body, the tissues re-fixing themselves inside. After seconds
of healing and drowning in the darkness of your eyes, it was finished. Suddenly
I was okay. "You're alright now," you whispered, though I could barely
comprehend.
I clutched my clothing, pulling it over my exposed skin. And you fled, glancing
back at me from over your shoulder, appearing luminous amid the sunlit yellow of
the sky streaming in behind you. Your young face was so afraid, although of
what, I didn't yet know. My skin tingled in gentle aftershock, the damaged part
of my stomach now smooth. With every fiber of my being, I longed for the answer
to my confusion. I fought back hysterical tears as I realized that if not for
what had just happened, I wouldn't be alive. Whispers inside of me told the tale
as a miracle.
Fleeing out the doors, you now captivated me. My eyes followed you as you jumped
into your jeep and sped away. Your words resounded in my mind - - "Don't say
anything, please," and I willingly accepted a new secret.
I was saved by you, an otherworldly being and my protector, and then taken into
a world of secrets that had to be guarded for the sake of you and those closest
to you. You kept my outsides intact, having patched me up like a permanent
band-aid, and thus thrusting me into your world. I was brought back to life
without having a choice; scorched by the fire of a loving angel.
The power of your effect over me runs deep. Life is just empty lyrics to me
because you took the song. You were the song. My heart's been borrowed and
broken. I'd never been in love before. And you've made it impossible to fall in
love again with anyone but you. I'm not going to let myself morph into a
dreamy-eyed girl again. I don't want to enter another relationship of love if I
can no longer believe in forever.
Promises for eternity don't last.
I rest a hand on my chest, tracing the outline of the pendant that I can feel
through the thin material of my shirt. The object itself means nothing to me,
but because it's part of what's taken you away, I'm determined to keep it. My
souvenir; all I have left of the longest two years of my life. The warmth of
your skin crumbles in my memory as I long to feel it again, and know that I
never will.
There will always be a part of me that wishes these things would have never come
to pass... But I was a part of something beautiful; something rare that has at
least retained its richness in my memory. The thought gives me comfort and makes
me believe I can survive this without falling to pieces myself. Pieces like the
pendant that are mere shells of something that exists no longer. The necklace is
but a compact memory trapped inside the Indian-style marking. Like my memories
of you, the pendant's decoration swirls around and around, dizzying my senses if
I allow myself to dwell on it for too long.
The trap of panic seizes me the second I glimpse Maria's open window and let
myself realize the sun has risen. And just like that, you're gone. You're
leaving the life you've always known, never to return, and heading off to a
world you're entirely uncertain of. With Tess. You'll be lovingly stroking her
hair now, not mine. Her curls colored a creamy shade of off-white, like vanilla,
replacing my dark strands that you love to see blow in the wind.
I hear the words of a seventeen year-old boy in love, words that were once
spoken to me, at a time when you thought Tess would never be the one to hold
your heart in the end. "But she can't be you," you told me, "Tess can never be
you."
...But she's enough, isn't she?
"Maria!" comes a voice from somewhere close. My heart leaps into my throat at
its familiarity. Oh, God. Michael.
Maria widens her eyes and bolts from the bed, standing up just as Michael comes
rushing through the beaded curtain, throwing the long strands this way and that,
letting them fall into place and become tangled. I watch in shock as he pulls
Maria into his arms faster than I've ever seen him move, prompting the tears she
had finally managed to stop to suddenly start free-flowing again.
"I couldn't do it... I couldn't leave you," he mumbles into her hair, kissing
the top of her head. "I just couldn't." He peers at me from over Maria's
shoulder.
I bite my bottom lip and swallow as slowly I rise to a stand, looking into
Michael's sad eyes for the answer to my unspoken question. I can't help but hope
that you've decided to stay, Max. I picture you holding me as Michael is holding
Maria, and my legs nearly collapse on me at the thought of such happiness I can
almost taste.
But Michael only kisses Maria's neck softly, pulling her in closer. Through my
stare, I silently plead for the answer only he can give. I steady my voice as
best I can and ask, "I--Is Max... Did he stay, too?"
He stares solemnly back at me and the room starts to spin as he shakes his head.
I sway slightly on unsteady feet, feeling as though I'm dying for the second
time in my life, and almost wanting it this time. My mouth tastes of vomit as I
swallow the truth along with the rest of my tears, unable to hide from their
bitterness that stings my throat like poison.
My lover is gone; he's not coming back...
With shaky fingers, I grab ahold of the necklace and pull the pendant out from
inside of my shirt. My thoughts can't help but dwell on every time I saw your
face and those gentle brown eyes. Eyes that will never look at me again.
Maria's beloved is holding her close while I stand alone. Left behind like the
ice-cold pendant I hold in my hand.
- -
end
